numbers aren't my friend

The other weekend was nothing short of interesting. I spent it curled up in a little ball of pain, in a little dimly lit room, in a not so little hospital. Thankfully I have amazing people around me that make sure I am taken care of and hold my hand when all I really need is just to know someone is there with me. I'm doing better now, finally. New doctor has some ideas (albeit, some not-so-nice ideas, but still), and hopefully this whole mess will be figured out, because honestly, I don't think I can go through that again. The toll it took on my body was just too much.

The school year is quickly wrapping up and I am trying hard not to fall behind. Finals for classes are spread out all over the place, making it hard to schedule time to do them, let alone prepare for them.

The other day we had a Cinco De Mayo party at my work for all the patients. We had margaritas (virgin of course), churros, and nachos. Oh, and who can forget the pinata?! The patients were more excited to be outside than anything, the sun shining, and music playing, all things they miss being in a hospital setting for so long. The best part was when I gave one of my favorite (yes, I can't help it, I have a favorite) patients a margarita, and she asked for another one by saying "Oh, can I have another cloud?" She associated the fluffy blended drink with a fluffy cloud in her little confused world. It made me smile.

I am so ready for summer. I am ready for warm days, for the burn on my skin, for weekend trips and lazy evenings. I want to start reading for fun again, I want to start doing more creative things, and having time to do nothing at all. At the same time, I am ready for the next year to be over, and for time to fast forward. I guess I can't ask for it both, I can't ask for a break and for a fast forward into real life. I'll settle for the break for now.


We bought tickets to The Dead Weather and Far. Two fun and interesting bands. We haven't been to a show in about a month, which is a long dry spell for us... these will be nice little treats.


Lately, I have met, and kept in touch with some new people\friends\acquaintances. It's fun and nice to meet new friends. Especially when they are going through the same things you are.

Two more weeks of school. Four more weeks of Care Center. Five weeks until Quest. Thirteen weeks until it all starts again. Nothing really big to look forward to in terms of all of this. I suppose getting it all done, feeling that sense of accomplishment. It's all just a numbers game.

just call me Polly P.

The weather is nice. Every other day it seems. The sun was shining this last weekend, I missed the heat on my skin. The little burn you feel when you start to get too hot. Summer is fast approaching. School is wrapping up, atleast for now, beacuase let's be honest, it never really is over. I have given my notice for one job so that I can work another. Quest is in the forefront of my mind, wondering what little buggers we will get this year, what antics they will have in store for us all. Family vacations, lazy weekends, busy weekends, getting away and staying in it. Just summer. I couldn't be more ready for it. Now.

I have been going to the gym every day this week. It's something new, but I would like it to stay. I'd like to say that it is helping with my frustration levels. Sweating it all out. I wish talking it out did the same thing. Talk is cheap sometimes.

I helped my mom put together things for a garage sale yesterday. Needless to say we went through a lot of old stuff that I\we\everyone doesn't need, yet keeps\wants\will buy for $1.00. We put out wooden apples, because everyone needs wooden fruit in their life, we added slinkys and yo-yos and hotwheels, there are some buckets of chalk, a Barbie tent, tons of VHS's and business books, plastic lipsticks, mirrors and combs, every little girls fantasy, and even a claw-candy machine up for grabs. My mom had found (because she had saved them all these years) a whole bag full of my old Polly Pockets. These are the little plastic dolls, no bigger than your fingernail, that come in fun shaped container\houses. They are literally pocket-size, as you can fit 100's of them in your pocket, and subsequently your mouth, as they also make great choking hazards as well. My mom cheerfully informed me she was saving them for my kids, you know, in case they wanted to choke on them too. These little gems can now be yours for the choking for only $1.00. No need to worry, the toy companies got smart after our generations, and made them hand-sized, now only one fits in your mouth at a time. Where's the fun in that?


I had the one in red. She was my favorite. Mostly because I was convinced she looked like me. Must have been the curly blonde hair.

"All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence you know."

tie strings to clouds

Why are there so many earthquakes? It seems a little ironic\ridiculous\too close to home. Someone mentioned an earthquake gun. A gun that we could use to fire high amount of energy into the ground of our targets causing catastrphic earthquakes. I don't believe it, but, what if? How crazy insane would that be? Weird to think about. Weirder to not think about, considering we live here, in earthquake country, maybe we're next?

The craziness has settled. I have settled. Settled isn't the right word. I have come to a calm conclusion that I am where I am because that's where I am. Things are still in transition. Moving from stage to stage of growing up, being a grown-up. How do you know when the transition is over? Is it ever over? I don't think so. I think you are always transitioning. Always changing into something else. Nothing is ever simple, nothing stagnant, nothing easy or free or even explainable.

((in a line. there is no fast-pass, no front of the line ticket. it's in your hands. ideas out there. thoughts spoken. feelings expressed. nothing left to do but stand still.))

We went to Wondercon and then to see Jonah play in SF the other weekend. Wondercon is always more fun for me to watch than anything else. I am familiar with some of the venues, artists, ect. through movies, graphic novels, Miles, but I really like to watch the people there, and collect neat little postcards and flyers for collaging. The people watching alone is so worth it. After milling around there for a few hours, we headed to Epicenter Cafe (earthquakes?!?) and watched Jonah perform. It was a small little cafe. It was especially sweet because it was the first time Daniel saw Jonah, as well as my mom and sister. He said he wanted to come back for his birthday show there, which would be awesome. Easy to get to, as opposed to LA like last year, and really quaint and personal.


Yesterday we attempted to try to go zipline in SF, but the line was crazy. Instead, we spent the morning strolling the Embarcadero, enjoying the sunshine and people watching. We saw the typical, and not so typical, San Francisco treats. We saw a cat on a leash with a grumpy face. A duck poking at a dead duck. Sweet puppies running amuck. An old man with OCD, relentlessly trying to make everything just right. All in all it was a nice day in the city.


Tonight is Jonsi in Berkeley. I'm really excited to see him. I love Sigur Ros and Heima, and have really enjoyed the Riceboy Sleeps album and Go. It's amazing that we will hopefully see him twice in one week, when we go to Record Store Day in SF, he will be playing at Amoeba.

There is a girl sitting next to me. She smells like cat food. She doesn't look like she would, but she does. She smells like what I fed Ampersand last night. I miss baby Amp, cuddly, crazy kitty,

Go drum, too proud. Make your hands ache. Play it out. Go march through a crowd. Make your day break...

meow

Ampersand is playing with a leaf. Endlessly playing. That's what I want to do.

Disappointment once again, when I found out SJSU set me back one class by not having credit agreements with the school I want to go to, which in turn set me back a whole year.

I am feeling rather stuck. Stuck in school forever. I enjoy learning, but I want to do something with it, and I want to do it sooner rather than later. Stuck here. Literally. Stuck here. Figuratively. Stuck with the un-immediate family I have, and their uncooperative-hatefulness. Stuck.

Last time I wrote about things I want to do, yet everything seems to be moving so slowly. Hopefully time will speed up in the next few weeks. I'm on break, from the school that I actually go to, but not my online classes. I want to do something, but it looks rather unlikely.

I am taking care of three kittens and their mama at work for pet therapy when they are older. They were the best thing in my day today, their sweet little faces and piercing blue eyes.

I don't want to write anymore, because I have nothing else positive to say, I'm just in that kind of a mood with all that has been going on, and subsequently, not been going on...