Giving thanks.

It seems a little crazy that it is already Thanksgiving, and then less than a month away is Christmas.

There has been so much that has changed in the last year, and still so much that remains painstakingly the same.

I am thankful for the following, including, but not limited to:

-my family and their support
-my friends, new and old
-miles, for all of the memories we have created and continue to make
-my health, even with some small bumps in the road...
-music and the amazing ability it has to free yourself from anything
-that I am able to pay all of my bills, and still have money for both myself and some extras along the way
-my home and security



It's weird to think that some people only take one day out of the year to reflect on the things they are grateful for. I would like to think that I am thankful year round, and that I share my gratitude with those around me, even on my worst of days. I am sure this is not completely true, but rather something to strive for.

We are going up to my aunt's in Auburn for a few days. Thanksgiving with the whole family is always fun, and filling. Being up there, with all the openness and country-ness makes you feel like you are on a little mini-vacation. Since I never got the vacation I so desperately wanted and needed, I will take all I can get to get away for little bit.

Type. Delete. Type. Type Type. Delete. Delete. Type.

Keep calm and carry on.

it's probably in the lost and found.

I have been reconnecting with some friends as of recently. They weren't lost, just misplaced. It feels right.

School everyday, work everyday. Everyday. It's a lot. Thankfully I have those select few that can relate, understand, and therefore deal with my need to sometimes vent. To them, I say thank you.

On a better note, I think I have figured out my plan for school. Said plan includes two more years, which is fine, but the best news is that I am hoping to be able to do it debt free. I have not taken out any loans for school as of yet, and I do not plan on it. Who wants to graduate and enter the career world with 100k in loans to pay back? Not I.

Families are so complicated. It's funny how they judge, but then when things happen to them, they are qucik to sweep it under the rug. Or conveniently 'forget.' I am at a good place. I love my family, I have never been closer with them, and confided in them as much as I do now. It makes me sad when I see people unhappy with their family, not fulfilling their duties as Mom or Dad, or choosing to be absent. I hope I can do what my Mom did for me when I have kids. This world is too nuts to not have your mommy.

In one of my classes we have spent the better part of the last two weeks debating, arguing, and sometimes even agreeing on values needed for an ideal society. We were only allowed to pick 5 top values out of a list of 15 or so. Sounds easy, but it wasn't. We could not vote, we could not use majority rule, one value could not also 'count' for another, no 2-fers. So we were not able to say that, if we have freedom, then we also have equality, or if we have self-respect we also have happiness. We had to come to a consensus, much like a jury would do. EVERYONE had to agree until we could move on. We now have 4\5. Happiness, Equality, Freedom, and Wisdom...the final debate has been between Family Security and World at Peace. No one can agree, there's always that one person that will not budge on the issue. I am loving it and hating it all at the same time.

I'm a little all over the place. Yoga has been helping with this, thank god for Direct TV...namaste.

go sing too loud, make your voice break

The last two weeks have been r-ou-gh. School is swamping me. Whose idea was it to take thse two lab classes at the same time? The future of my school is so uncertain it's maddening. Work is chaotic, that is the only word to describe it. Never been crazier. And we are still settling in to our new place.

I think that has been the only thing keeping me sane. Our new place. Having a kitchen, a KITCHEN! Not just a microwave and half of a fridge\semi-freezer, but a real-life kitchen where you can real-life cook, has been amazing. Not to mention a ton more space, a backyard free of spiders the size of your fist and a bathroom that isn't right next to your food. We are happy, and content with our new little home. Ampersand is in love. She has made good friends with the squirrels that play in the tree in our backyard.

Our fridge complete with Steven the giraffe and a very life-like drawing of Micahel Jackson.


We can make these now. Which could be a bad thing...


We ran out of homes for our books. They are stacking up on the floor...


Backyard. Squirrel playground.



Last night we took a walk with Daniel down the Iron Horse Trail, which is right behind our place, to Blush, an organic yogurt place. It is to die for. It's really fun and unique flavors with just as interesting toppings, plus they have a station where you can play your own iPod. I think we will be frequenting this place more and more.

Pumpkin Blush is delicious. (Pumpkin anything is delicious, but everyone knows this)



Today in the bookstore I went to get some hot tea, and at the cashier they had "Calm Lozenges" I thought about buying them. But then thought that was too much. If it wasn't for the company of my iPod, I wouldn't make it through the day.

leggings in boxes

Lately I have an obsession with leggings. I love colorful leggings. I love patterned leggings. I love lacey leggings. I love alliteration.





We found a place. Deposit goes down today. Moving to commense shortly thereafter. This feels good, this feels necessary.


I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought wasn’t the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn’t have thought so much.

Moving out, moving on.

Moving out come October. Not 'out' necessarily, as we are already out. We are really moving-new. Looking at some places here and there, Craigslisting like mad. It's all very exciting and anxiety provoking. Money is so annoying. We should really just try trading a paperclip for a house like that one guy.


Work is fun. I missed working here, the people, the patients. I think Kris and I are going to plan a Homecoming\Prom for the patients, with a Queen and King, complete with a photo station and apple cider. Everyday I go I get the best compliments, and some of the most blunt observations about myself from all of the patients, there is no filter, but I love them anyway.

Labor day weekend we went on a family-spree. First we visited Miles' mom and her friend Stan, spent the night, had breakfast. It was so nice to catch up with her and spend some time with her, as we live so far away. The next day we went to my Aunt's and had a day full of bbq. My cousins were there, along with their 5 dogs and the horse. It was a lot of fun, I wish it happened more often.
Picnic weekends.

Machete.

Meet Mama.

Last Monday we went boating on Lake Berryessa one more time for the season. It's amazing how we kept it up. We all skied, and relaxed, swam in the lake with pups, it was a really nice ending to summer.

Even the pups were relaxed.


This last weekend we did the Alzheimers Memory walk. It was amazing to see how many people showed up and turned out for such a cause. It was a nice 3 mile walk with friends down the Embarcadero with out of the norm beautifully warm weather. It just happened to be on 9\11, oddly enough. My facility raised something like $7,000 alone, and our company somewhere along the lines of $100,000! Really great, since a lot of our patients are affected by this disease.

As exciting as some of these things are, I think I am ready for the next month to be done, and for things to be back in place.

the weeks are flying.

Classes galore. I am back in school for a final push to finish the pre-requisites. Working while trying to do these classes is like running marathon, I start out strong, I pace myself in the middle, and I sprint towards the end. My days are filled between lectures, labs, work, studying, and some sort of social life. I will be so happy when I am done.

With the start of school, also came the return of the Care Center. I'm really happy to be back. I missed all of the patients and staff. It was sad to come back and see that some of them had died while I was away, and that I had missed seeing them go, never getting a chance to say my goodbye. I'm sure they were in good hands though.

Planing for the next 2-3 years is daunting. Planing for the next week can be daunting. Figuring out when I will need to actually get that dreaded loan, when I will need to have a real job, etc. Miles and I have talked and talked a lot in the last few weeks. Working the little nuances of finances and living arrangements and future plans out. Talking is the easy part. Now we are coming to the point where we actually need to be doing what we have talked so much about. I am so excited, and nervous, and scared, and anxiuos, and happpy all rolled into this one big emotional ball rolling down this hill towards the next few months and years.

Mom and Haley got back from their Europe trip. I am so glad they had such a great time. They needed this adventure to connect. Haley is a Junior, and thinking about colleges, and that kind of thing, and this was a nice time for them to do something together and on their own. They went all over the place, they even went to Buckingham Palace and saw Prince Charles and Camilla, tons of castles and pubs. They basically had fun drinking and frolicking their awkward little way's through Europe together with the drinking age only being 16. :)

Jonah last weekend, Jonah this weekend + boating. Sounds pretty alright to me.

141 days

For the past few days I have wanted it to be Christmas season. December. Maybe its the fact that it feels like winter in August, maybe I like when everyone is in higher spirits, which in turn puts me in higher spirits, maybe I just like all the lights against the dark sky that come with that time of year. Either way, I'm ready for Christmas, just 141 more days to go.

Speaking of Christmas and the days around it... I never made a new years resolution last year, but I have been consciously trying to work on speaking my mind in a more timely manner. I have a habit of keeping things in until they are bothering me so much it is unbearable, at which time I finally get around to talking them out. Lately I have been trying to speak what I am feeling\thinking when I am feeling\thinking it. It has worked in my favor, I feel better, more calm at the end of the day, less anxious about little things.

Ampersand is being extra cuddly while we have the place to ourselves tonight until Miles gets home. More and more talk of moving, getting a pup, even if it's just talk, it's so exciting and motivating. I love us.

((If you are done, then they are done.))
((Situational frustration. Stationary manipulation.))
((It feels good when we connect the way we do. We always connect. I always feel good.))