Too little too late.

The past month has been a whirlwind. It's like February never even happened. Between birthdays, vacations, deadlines, and the day to day chaos, I could barely keep up.

Here is a recap of the last few weeks. I love my friends and family infintely.

Diana, Kristine and I went out dancing for my birthday. Grimy hip hop in the heart of Oakland is just what we needed. Here's to a sweaty, successful girls night out.

 Haley and I have been going on hikes every weekend. This is the Albany Bulb. We spent hours hiking about, getting lost, and finding ourselves in the middle of some homeless persons' home. Awkward.

 Family birthday dinner. We always manage to have a good time and laugh, which is something I never take for granted.

The first weekend in March, Diana and I hopped on a boat and went to Mexico for the weekend. Here is what ensued:

I got this painting at a shop, and met the artist. Her whole store was filled with Dia De Los Muertos themed things. I was in love. She plans on coming to the states. And I plan on being there.

The skull was from the market by La Bufadora, the same place with all of the pineapples from above. There was literally everything you could ever want at that market. Literally.

You're lucky, you made it.

It's 2013. Weird. Usually I write the wrong year whenever I am dating something for the first few weeks of January, but not this year. Subconsciously, I think I was ready for a new year.

The holidays were okay. Nothing spectacular. Family, friends. It's always such bad timing, and it always will be. It's so hard to believe that this year marked our 6 years. We spent the day together, talked, laughed, cried. It was funny how much you remember and how much you forget.

New Years Eve was spent with good friends in Walnut Creek. I was still in the throws of that horrible cold/flu that everyone has, but it was good to get out and be with friends. This was one of the best NYE's I have had in years. (Thanks Patrick and Shayna for inviting us!)

I have learned a few songs on my ukulele. More importantly, I am having so much fun playing.

I started taking ballet classes. I do a 2 hour class every Monday evening in Walnut Creek with some friends, and I am also joining a class that meets every Wednesday as well. I never thought I would be back in a ballet studio, but I am absolutely loving it. The class is so hard and brutal, and I am sure I look like I am in pain the majority of the time, but you leave feeling so good, and beautiful and awkwardly graceful.

Every Sunday I have spent the evening laughing and playing and enjoying the company of some amazing people. It's so nice to look around a room and feel the love. Sunday Funsies is serious funsies.

This weekend is Kathryn and Anton's engagement party. I'm so happy and excited for them, and can't wait to be a part of the wedding with them in October! I love love.

Next week, jury duty. Ugh. And a night out with some girls from work, which will be so fun and so needed. A nice little review of the last month or so... things are good, and only getting better.

This moment will just be another story someday.

As a kid, it seemed like the holiday season was always so far away. Now, it seems like we barely finish 4th of July, and it's already time for Christmas. I like the holiday season, I just wish I felt like time moved slower, in the good kind of way.

It has been an interesting past few weeks. Below is the basics. The interesting part is more personal and observational. Thinking about things, people, the why behind the what. For the most part, I think I get it. I think I know what I want and who I am, but there are those few moments where it all seems so blurry.

A few Saturdays ago was the EVO4 Fashion Show in South SF. After a harrowing 2.5 hour drive from Oakland to SF, Diana and I made it. Joe's collection was AH-mazing. So clean and inventive and put together. He is nothing short of magical.

 After going to a few haunted houses throughout October, Halloween night was pretty much a bust. By the time Wednesday rolled around, I felt like Halloween itself had already come and gone. The weeks leading up to it were pretty fun though.

I have been filling my days with work and friends. Work is going good, friends are going great. Diana has been coming to the bay often, which I am so thankful for. Even when she is 3 hours away, I feel like she is still here, working with me. I have been able to see old friends and make new ones, and am trying to make time for all of them. You can usually find me around the uptown in Oakland on any given weekend, its been fun and easy and carefree.

My mom, sister and I went up to Auburn for Thanksgiving. It's always such a perfect atmosphere for Thanksgiving. The air is crisp, the trees change color, everyone has open space with animals roaming, and there is plenty of booze.

I recently re-read Perks of Being a Wallflower, but have yet to see the movie. I am debating on whether I want to see it or not. I have such a clear vision in my head of Charlie and Sam and Patrick, and how they look and talk and respond. I don't know if I want the movie to ruin that for me.

I'm now reading Love Will Tear Us Apart, which is similar to Perks, with lots of pop-culture references (obviously). It's a lot of fun. I think I need to read a "deeper" book next. Something a little more complex.

This blog is just kind of an update. To put it all in the books. One day I'll get back to actually writing about this crazy world and life and headspace, but this is all I have for now.

“I am very interested and fascinated how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other.” 

Tonight, SF. 

Fall Dreaming.

Realizing your dream life, not your minimum 'okay-I'll-settle-with-this' life, is actually obtainable and better yet, in the works, is a feeling I can't even describe.

To say that there haven't been things in my past that I wished were different now, would be a lie. But I don't regret them and never will. Shit happens, people grow and change, families are hard, loved ones die...the world around you continues whether you want it to or not.

It's not a secret that Miles and I broke up months ago, or that both of us have moved on, both literally and figuratively. We were together almost 5 years, which took me by surprise when I realized it... This is for the better for so many reasons. I know I am much happier, and I would hope he is too.
I guess I consider myself lucky when the only thing I can't figure out how to take their name off of is my PS3 or nook. No bills, no money, no insurance, more importantly no kids.

This post comes on the tail-end of a busy weekend full of love. Haley and I nannied for some good family friends in the city for a wedding. It was so much fun to watch and be a part of, and it doesn't hurt that the kids are a-fricken-dorable! I am beyond exhausted but it was well worth it.

The view. 

These babies were so cute, they made my uterus hurt.

Wedding.

The Wishing Tree (Yoko Ono)

Of course we HAD to add our own. 

I fell in love with a street performer. 

Next weekend- Joe's fashion show with my faves. (I just realized that I never mention names in here, I always assume people who read it already know, or when I narrate the post back, it makes sense since I'm the one reading it. Oops.)

I just sent in my Absentee Ballot... My political beliefs aren't a secret, as I am sure most of you know. This election has been so interesting, besides the Presidential choices, the measures and propositions are all so dramatic. I'm not a politic buff by any means, but I am curious and interested and try to be an active participant in my government and country's choices.

And sometimes you feel like you are stuck in perpetual teenage chaos.

Its a Sunday evening, and one of the first that actually feels like Fall. I find myself sitting in a cafe, drinking warm chai, and mindlessly watching the people flutter around me. People wearing sweaters around their shoulders and speaking French, thick-rimmed-glasses-wearing girls and boys, first dates and old loves. I wonder where I fit in, or if I need to.

The past few days have felt like a whirlwind of twenty-somethings stuck in the sticky mess of a bad high school sitcom. Coming up to the tail end of my 'weekend' I think I made it out alive. Time is the most precious, and only time will tell. I am trying desperately to finish my book. I started A Long Way Down, by Nick Hornby, a month ago, and am about 3/4 way through. It's not that it's so bad it's agonizing to finish, or so exceptionally good that I want to savor it... it just sort of is. I'll finish it eventually, but for now, I have been filling my time with other things.

This whole Summer, and now into Fall has been a learning experience for so many reasons. Learning to be okay with yourself and who are and are not. Learning to be okay with staying in alone, and filling my time with things that I want, and but don't necessarily need. Learning which friends are there for you through the awkward ugly times and the glittery pretty ones. Learning more and more about what I want for myself and my inner circle. Learning how to be active in a relationship without taking it over or abandoning it all together. A lot of it is learning how to stay in the middle of things, and not falter to the two extremes that I so naturally and unconsciously go to. Not all of the lessons were easy, or as simple as I would have hoped, but I think that overall things are changing (still) for the better.

I have to remind myself that I am only 23, and that is too young to be such a cynical asshole. My expectations for myself are much too high, and realizing this is half the battle, but doesn't change how I feel. I'm getting there.

Don't you worry there my honey. 

We might not have any money. 

But we've got our love to pay the bills.

http://keepinginmind.tumblr.com I update this much more often, but it's nice to be able to rant too.

You'll live to dance another day.

It has been forever since I last posted something. As I read through my last few posts, I chuckled to myself at how much has changed. How much I have changed, and yet remained the same. Where to begin?

Work life- I left Kindred, with a heavy heart but my pride intact. It was such an amazing experience working there with all of my patients and amazing co-workers. It really is sad that a few people can ruin such a good thing. I visit often, and keep in touch with those I left behind, but moving on from that was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

School- Nonexistent. Plans in the works, but I won't go into them now.. As annoying and frustrating as this process has been, I have never felt more okay, or sure of things falling into place on their own. I should probably be more stressed about this, but I'm not. This seems to be the case with a lot of things. I'll just go with it.

Family- I have the best family anyone could ask for. We all went houseboating for the first time since Dad died, and it was such a triumphant moment for us all. A week of music, and laughing and being off the grid was so refreshing.

Those seem to be the big three. I have been filling my days with endless love and fun this summer. Making a point to take time for friends and the little things, and I feel so re-energized. While my goals and stubborn motivation are all still there and a huge part of who I am and what I do, my outlook and attitude have changed immensely. I value those people that are in my circle so much more, and appreciate their presence and what they have to offer to this world. My friends have always been amazing, but in times of transition and stress, they are simply the best.

I have been listening to music, folky-indie stuff, nonstop. It seems to be a little deeper than just listening. I am trying to take it in, and have been 'assigning' certain songs and artists to different people/events/emotions. Sharing music with someone you care about is the ultimate sign of affection.

The last few weeks have been full of new things and people, and I am so filled with happiness and excitement. Labels are labels, and I don't know where that leaves 'us.' Its weird being a grown-up, an actual adult, but being with someone who is equal makes it so worth it.

I bought a new Ukulele. His name is Duke.

Oakland Pride.

Oakland Pride. What a good team player.

Wine tasting for Brad's birthday.

Friends.

A last goodbye, but not forever. I think it's safe to say that Fall is here. Pumpkin everything. I love it.

We spend our lives making a living.

It's November, NOVEMBER. When did that even happen?!? I seem to be missing time, or better yet, time seems to be missing me.

Here is what we have been up to.

We went to Hardly Strictly Bluegrass. Met up with Andy and Chey and played some wonderfully inappropriate rounds of "Cards Against Humanity" which is like Apples to Apples except with a bite. It was a beautiful day in the city to be spent with friends laughing and walking amongst throngs of people, bikes and more people.



We went skydiving. What a rush. You would think that it would feel like you are falling to your death, but as I jumped out of the plane and started the free fall, it actually felt like I was floating. I could turn my body and see everything for miles and miles. Even though we went with ten other people, in those moments you felt infinitely alone and free.


Parachute problems. I looked like a beaten stepchild for days. Bruises and burns everywhere. This was the just the beginning of one of the bruises.

Back on solid ground. Safe and sound.


I got Above and Beyond at work. Basically employee of the month. Complete with a bonus and my own parking spot. It's nice to feel appreciated and special.



I made more for my work. Some people didnt get the memo that you have to wait to take a bite of it until after you take the picture.

We also made time to go to the Bad Dad's art show in SF. It was all art inspired by Wes Anderson movies and characters. And, because it was so close to Halloween, just driving to the gallery was like an art show in and of itself, between the usual crazies on the streets of SF and the ones that came out for the night all dressed up, it was quite fun.





We went down to L.A. for a family funeral and for Haley's performance at Disneyland. It was a whirlwind trip, but fun. 6 hours down and back of non-stop talking, laughing, and singing off-key with mom. I'm so lucky.
Haley and I waiting to go from funeral, to the Happiest Place on Earth, oh what a day.


This is Dotty. She is the fattest little baby bulldog you ever did see. My attempts at putting her in my purse and stealing her were unsuccessful, maybe next time. Puppy love, nothing beats it.


Due to lack of time and energy, my posts have been mostly picture updates and very few words... I wish this wasn't the case.

Up next, Thanksgiving, Haley turns 18, brisk winter mornings and evenings, and lots of chai and pumpkin everything. I love Fall and I love when it turns into Winter.