Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.

Summer is more than halfway done. School is in a month. I'm nervous to go back. Not that it's going to be hard or anything I'm not ready for... just the idea of it, and how much the last one sucked. Get through this and I'll be good. That's the way I should be thinking about it.

Three more weeks of Quest. (or should I say tres?) Who sends autistic kids that don't speak english to a summer camp in Alamo? The kids are funny and annoying, and annoyingly funny. I laugh at them and with them, and most of the time it's a combination of the two.

Haven't written in here in a while. There wasn't much need besides the Europe trip. Everything was going fine. Was.

I don't like not feeling like I have my space. Not like "leave me alone" space, but just a place to call my own, or rather yet, a place I want to call my own. Hopefully things will change. There's really no choice now, they need to.

Sensitive feelings are hurt easily. It's not even hurt feelings, it's more of a 'okay, I'm done for now' kind of feeling. I feel beat down a lot of the time, especially now. Even the simplest things are bothering me; snide remarks, the way things are said, etc. They probably shouldn't. I'm just on high alert.


[more to come]

Europa

I've been back for almost a month now. The whole trip seems so surreal, almost like I can't believe I actually went.

It's funny to think back on the things we saw and experiences. It makes me wonder what the others thought or felt at that particular time. Maybe they felt nothing, maybe that's why they have no other expressions. Whatever the case, I feel like I got the most of the trip, and everything I wanted to do\expected do, we did, so that's always a nice feeling.

Paris: Our first stop. We were all tired, lost, and unable to speak the language. Parisians were the most unfriendly when it came to helping us find things, or answering questions. Conquered the usual tourist sites in about half a day. Wouldn't necessarily want to go back. Been there, done that.

Berlin: My favorite. Overnight train ride was a nice little adventure. Anna was an awesome host. We saw the wall, a bunch of parks, had local food and walked the city. The Germans were all so kind and welcoming, not to mention that almost all of them spoke english, a nice change from Paris. I felt most comfortable here. I would definitely want to go back.

Stuttgart\Tubingen\Tuttlingen: Beautiful. Again, the Germans were so welcoming. Mary's parents were beyond nice, and made us feel right at home. The food was good, and the scenery was amazing. The little German towns and countryside were nice to see after seeing the city -life of Berlin.

Chur\Zurich: Not enough time. Zurich was just a passing point, although actually couch surfing was fun and funny. Chur was breath taking, and the train ride from Z-C was so eye opening. The alps on either side of you really makes you re-evaluate things. I would like to have gotten to spend more time here.

Europe in a nutshell.

The world was built on ego

Dear ____:

What you don't say speaks volumes.

From _____.

Dear Mouth:

What you sometimes say hurts, and what you sometimes don't say, hurts even more.

From People.

Dear Paris:

I will see you in 2 days. Be ready.

From Me.

Dear 'You Are Here':

Where is here?

From 4-8-15-16-23-42.

Dear ...

Whatever it is you are suppose to do, I wish you would hurry up and do it. I wish things were simpler when it came to matters of your sorts. I hate you.

From Untitled.

I'm excited to see new things, try new things, eat new things, be around new people. I'm excited for the whole scha-bang. 

Police make me laugh. Went to get fingerprinted today, and ended up helping the squad take their new badge pictures while I waited. Some of which had to have several re-takes because they decided they didn't look good.  Weird. All I could do was laugh. At them.

This weather is weird. It's warm., and raining. I suppose this is what Paris and Europe will be like? I'm taking both cameras. I like taking pictures. I am in no way photogenic, or good at being a 'photographer,' but I like to capture things in my own light. The way I see things, which, as I have come to realize, is usually not the way others see it. I like it that way. I didn't use to. But I do now. Rarely do I actually share how I see things, or what I think for the mere fact that I doubt anyone cares, or remotely sees things the same way. People always seem so wrapped up in their own little view-finder lives to take notice. So oblivious it's almost comical, but mostly just annoying and pathetic. As long as I can continue to laugh at your expense, I'm fine with it. 

[You wouldn't have it anyother way... I'll cast you out.]

6.1.2k9

Midnight

1am-10am Sleeping...

11 am

Noon

1pm

2pm

3pm

4pm

5pm

6pm

7pm
8pm

9pm

10pm

11pm

In the blur of serenity

An amazingly fun and filled weekend. Started off with the surreal experience that was NIN\JA. Traveled down to shoreline with hours to kill and no confirmation, but with plenty of hopes of actually getting to meet the band, and being apart of something so much bigger than me. Miles and I sat around Starbucks, nothing unfamiliar for us, and waited. We finally got pre-sale tickets, and some information regarding the donation and soundcheck meet and greet package. Some more waiting, and by 4:45 we were lead through the front gates and into the ampitheatre where NIN was ready and waiting. They played four songs just for us, and we were front and center. It was a carefree kind of private concert.

So awesome. 

They left the stage and Street Sweeper Social Club was up. They were a lot of fun. I'm excited to see what they come up with for their album and to see them live again. Then it was meet and greet time. The best part was when they band member introduced themselves as if you didn't already know who they were. Nice guys. Trent, of course, was the highlight, although Robin Finck is a close second. The rest of the night consisted of friends, new and old, Rock Band, live and electronic... JA was fun to watch. Crazy by all means, atleast in stage performance, but fun nonetheless, all I could do was laugh. one of the best concerts I have been to, my first, and unfortunately maybe last NIN show. 

The trip is less than two weeks away. Trains are booked. It's funny how people are coming out of the wood-work to help out and offer their advice and support on such an amazing experience.

 Makes it that much more memorable. I hope everyone remembers their P's and Q's so to speak... 

This weekends adventure=river rafting. Never been, always wanted to. Should be fun. 

side effects are outweighing the benefits. Not sure how much more I can take.

I like hotdogs and flank steak. I like to eat for free even more. I hope this continues, but I feel like it won't.

[The flowers of naivete, buried in a layer of frost. The smell of sunshine. Sweet smell of sunshine.]

You got to curl yourself into a circle.

Cleaning up the mess that was my decision. I had unhelpful help. Moral support, if you will.

Mom is watching the 'The Bachelorette.' For some reason it made me chuckle and then feel incredible sad for her all at the same time. I think because she has been talking so openly about wanting to "get out there" and wanting "to have someone" lately, and then watching her watch and talk about this reality show with this fake woman getting a fake chance of fake men with fake love... I don't know, caught me off guard. I want her to be happy. I want her to have someone.

Reuniting with old friends feels good. Smiles.

Stomach-ache-city, it feels like I can never catch my breath. I'm wondering if this is worth it. Wednesday will tell. Of all the ones I have been through, I am hoping you have my answers. Otherwise, I am giving up on giving in, and saying fuck all and never coming back. The end.

[I will tear myself apart, if you promise to paint me as a work of art.]

I just want to dance in your tangles.

Dear: Pens and Fancy Paper Tubes

Stop being swollen. You're hurting me.

From: Ears

Dear: Paris

Why won't you give us a couch?!

From: Poor People

Dear: Switzerland

Thank you for giving us a couch. Now teach Paris your ways.

From: Grateful

Dear: KS

You make me sick. ((Edit: today you surprised me))

From: Humanity

Dear: Money

Why must you always be at war with me? Why is there never a happy balance? I hope we can rectify this situation sometime soon. 

From: Bleeding Bank Account

Everything seems to be falling into place quite nicely. A little too nicely. The meeting went really well. I'm ahead of the game when it comes to GPA and credits. Now I just need to finish those last few classes. Just. hah.

The trip is fast approaching. Plans are being finalized. Couch-Surfing will be an amazing experience. I hope that people are as open-minded as they claim to be, I would assume they would be to be apart of such an amazing, trusting, and care-free type of organization.

Sometimes I wonder what people's intentions are. Not even intentions rather, but ideas, or thoughts behind their actions I guess. The last few days especially. 

People blowing you off never feels good. Today it hurt because it was my mom. Weird. 

Finished book number 3 of the Dark Tower Series. I am debating whether to start number 4 before or after the trip. I am also reading The Alchemist, Candy Everybody Wants, and finishing House of Leaves once and for all. While reading at JustinBucks (twice today I might add) I ran into a multitude of old friends. It was nice to laugh and catch up with them. See how they've changed and how they haven't. Some surprised me by their growth and some by their lack thereof. It was nice to sit and reminisce about the old days, I wonder what other people around us thought as we recalled some of the memories and then laughed hysterically? I don't care, it was so worth the judgmental looks and quiet mumbles...

[To give me some reason to move, but to take on the world at all angles, requires a strength I can't use]