she's always late

It is the unforeseen for which we must calculate most largely.



Sometimes I think people walking around, talking to their friends, family, people on the phone, etc, have no idea where they are, who they are surrounded by, or how loud they are talking. Some of the things I have heard in the last few weeks are shocking, funny, shockingly funny, and just plain sad.

I hate when I have to rely on someone so heavily. I don’t like feeling so dependent.

I know exactly what I want in the future. I know what I want, but I am terrified to say it outloud for fear of it not happening. For fear of it not panning out, not being what everyone else has in mind. I wonder how long I can hold off.

Sometimes I feel as if I am competing with myself. Running, swimming, biking, climbing… a full Iron Man race against myself. I need a water break.

Walking from class to class, watching people not knowing they are being watched. You can see the people who are afraid of life, the ones that second guess each step they take. The ones happy with the path they are taking, the ones with a bounce in their step. The ones with no motivation, walking zombie-like from edge to edge of each pathway, never in the middle, never wanting to have to look up to move. I wonder what I look like, I wonder who is watching me.