Tuesday, October 20, 2009

you are contrasting the nude

((there is a certain fuzziness. it’s not soft. black on white. unbalanced. i want the scales to tip left. teeter-totter. motion sickness from the ups and downs. calm is coming.))

Halloween in a little over a week. No idea what we are doing. I like Halloween. I like the idea of being something\someone new and different for a night, even if only in appearances. Dressing up is always fun. I want to dress up. And I want to do something. I want to go to a haunted house, one that will scare me. I am beginning to enjoy being scared more and more. I blame Miles.

I have finally broken through some sort of wall, and as hard and annoying as it was, I feel good about it. I feel comfortable on a new level, and it's, well...comforting.

Finished Lullabies for Little Criminals. I loved the book all the way until the last ten pages which is frustrating. It just seemed to end so abruptly. I wanted more. Moving right along through Dark Tower, as I get more and more of the background of the story, of their world, the more you get pulled into the book. It's amazing. I started Jesus' Son today and am half-way done. I'll finish it tomorrow. I love the writing, the details, the comparisons of everyday things to natural phenomena, and beauty. It's captivating and intriguing and the fact that it's a little less than 200 pages means it will be a quick, satisfying read.

Friday, October 16, 2009

these are all the sounds you wouldn't think were music


Saw Sunny Day Real Estate the other night. They put on such a good show. Everyone there was there for the right reasons. It was the first time in a long time that I had been to a show where no one in the audience was being an ass. Everyone was on their best behavior and that made the show that much more fun. The band sounded incredible and the songs they chose were a nice summary of their career.

As October creeps by, so does the money in my account. I hate money problems. They are so finalizing. Finding a job is now mandatory. Applications are out. Schedules have been clearly marked so as not to confuse again. And now the waiting game once again.

Speaking of money. New car, hopefully this weekend. And that will 100% be the end of me financially.

((the rewind button is stuck. old tapes playing. the lyrics are memorized. rehearsed. no track list. no end in sight. no comment necessary. apparently. broken violins hang from wires in a window. a rescued little flower. no dragonfly. the world was sweet.))

I have an affinity for pumpkins. I like pumpkin bread, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin coffee, and am anxiously awaiting pumpkin cream cheese. I remember when I was young and looking for the smallest and roundest baby pumpkin I could find; the babiest of the babies. I don't have a pumpkin yet.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

putting together a robot without the instruction manual

So, I've started yet another book. Reading just seems so peaceful, even if the book I'm reading evokes every emotion but peace. The act of sitting\laying quietly and reading. Feeling the pages as you turn them, and feeling a sense of accomplishment as you check to see how much further you have to go. And then the final Ta-Da! when you actually finish it and take in a deep breath and reflect on the journey you just took through pages filled with words. The whole process seems almost magical, and I love it. It nevr ceases to help me escape for a moment, to help me feel a ease when I come back to reality, and help me feel more grounded. Those little moments of reading I have I cherish, I want to have more.

Currently:
Dark Tower #5 Wolves of the Calla (half-way done)
Our Noise (37 pages)
Lullabies for Little Criminals (30 pages)

The last book, Lullabies for Little Criminals I just started yesterday at the cemetery in between DT. I love it. It reminds me a lot of the last one I read, Mister Posterior and the Genius Child. Both are told by a child who is exposed to very grown-up things. The colorful language and sentence structure and descriptions of things as a child would describe things are so eye opening and fun.

"...and thought that I was good-looking enough to be in a circus with men throwing knives at me. I was especially good-looking after Id eaten spaghetti sauce and my lips were all stained orange. Whenever things were going well I started to feel vain."

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

just our hands clasped so tight

I’m really excited for fall to be here. Granted, it has only actually felt like Fall for the last few days… but none the less. Buying new hoodies, wearing fluffy sweats for pajamas, feeling the brisk air when you breathe, I love it all.

((falling memories like falling leaves. i wish the colors would change the same way. sunshine is foolish, the coldness is there, although hidden. it comes at any moment, without warning, the lighst don’t flash, the warning signs invisible.))


I walked past some girl today who thought she may be getting a cold, and her friend said, and I quote, “You should drink Gatorade, it has electrons in it.” I laughed as I passed them in their mini skirts and fur boots. If you are wearing one of those things, the other doesn’t match up based on weather alone, I’ll disregard the fact that it’s a miniskirt and fur boots in general.

Jobs are lined up. Now if only schedules would follow suit. I’m excited to work again. I like being around people and being busy. Not having anything to do has been harder than I would have thought. Plus, the whole money thing.

A surprise is in the mix, and as I solidified the plans and ordered it and what not, it made me think. Surprises always make me feel so off-guard. It’s that awkward nervous feeling that is so fun to watch but so uncomfortable to feel. This one wont be like that though, it has happiness written all over it. It will only bring a smile. I can’t remember the last time I was surprised with something. Not a good one anyway, not one that makes me smile.


After fall comes winter. I love the season. I hate the feelings it brings up. The nervousness of crossing off the days on the calendar is getting closer and closer. It has hit me hard, twice. Once while watching Away We Go. I liked that movie. And then again the following morning as I watched the sun rise out the window. Random times, as always. I wish I had a little more control over it, or a little more comfort when it left, but I’m stuck here with neither, and so it comes and goes when it wants…


Reading back over this, it seems like a nice little synopsis, minus school. Which I would like to minus in real life. Shows, big and small are on the horizon, a mini getaway and some friendly get-togethers.