The past few days have been a whirlwind. A test here, a practical there, a midterm over yonder...and that's just in my one little world of school, not in my whole universe of life.
I had someone pass away that I had become really close with at work. I know it is a job and I am there as an employee, but you cannot help but become attached. Her family was extremely close with her, and therefore became close with me and my fellow co-workers through their daily visits and what not. Her decline was fast, thought not entirely unexpected. I was dealing with her and her illness and her changes from one day to the next well, but when I had to address the family on one of the final days, the daughter I had become closest to hugged me and muttered "Thank you" through a wall of tears...that's when I couldn't keep my composure, and I left some of my own tears fall. It was a nice gathering of family and friends for her final moments, and I felt so at peace for her.
The day before all that happened, I thought too much, realized some, and concluded others. My mind wanders, I often have to remind myself to reel it back in, back to here and now. The power of suggestion is remarkable, especially when that suggestion comes from within.
This past week I also took some time to really get things in order for the next few years. Applications will be due come September, and I have one of my final advising meetings coming up. I would like to say that I have a plan, that I know what I want, as of now I can say it a million times, but it won't make sense until it happens. I need security more than ever, to know that I am not the only one with a paddle in this sinking ship.
Although my work can be depressing, it is one of the happiest places I can be. Most days, although hectic and exhausting, I cannot imagine being anywhere else. I love the patients and families, their spirits and hope, their love and understanding...it's all contagious.
Speaking of contagious. I am sick. Again.
Some fun\ny work stuff:
One patient and I were feeding birds outside and she said "Oh! I am going to get them" and then proceeded to wheel herself away from them. When I told her "No, no, you need to come back over here, they are behind you now." She shrieked "OH NO! Then the grass will get me!" and kept going.
While playing BINGO, I always sit one of our more confused patients next to me to listen and watch (and in turn, so I can watch her, as she likes to eat flowers, poker chips, napkins, etc) She reached out and stroked my arm and said "Aww, How DELICIOUS!" When I looked at her, she had on the biggest smile I had ever seen.
Today, I walked in to work to find one patient wheeling around with someone else's pictures that she had stolen from their room. Later, I found her in the person's bed, refusing to get out, claiming it was hers.
At lunch a while ago I had one patient trying to eat a yellow flower with a piece of bread. After countless attempts to get her to put it down, I finally realized, she must want butter, as butter is yellow, and so it the flower. Once I put some butter on her bread, she gave me back the half-bitten off flower.
Everyday is different, as different as each of them. You never know when you will walk in one of their rooms and find them eating something they shouldn't, or throwing something at you, or just sitting there, staring at you... naked. But, nonetheless, I love them anyway.
In between work, school, and everything that comes with it, I have been reading "You are Not a Stranger Here." They are short stories, almost excerpts of peoples lives written by Adam Haslett. I am loving it. Most have a dark little twist, or some other hook to draw you in. I have also been listening to my iPod on shuffle, endlessly. I enjoy the surprise. It's a surprise that I can control and am prepared for, since I know what is on there. I enjoy said surprises.
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