how good it is to see you

I started this post last night... It was one of those ones that you write, delete, write delete. Thoughts and musings from this and that.

Today and Thursday, those are the most important for this week. My last two finals of the semester, and then a nice break. Thinking about school, how much SJSU messed up things, and now having to go back and "fix" it is always kind of a downer. Butttt, on the bright side, hopefully only two more semesters here and then transferring to somewhere where I feel like I can actually use what they are teaching me.

I am comfortable. I feel like that is the best word to describe things at the moment. Nothing is surprising, which I can't decide if this is good or not. Sometimes I want small surprises, but they never seem to happen. School is the same as it has been, monotonous and dry. The days tend to meld into one, and I find myself forgetting simple things.

Things I can't seem to get enough of:
warmth-my body seems incapable of staying warm
security-simple reassurances of simple things.
competition-I get a feeling of competing for the weirdest things with people, I shouldn't, but I do.
laughter-I usually make myself laugh, or I am laughing AT myself.
sense of family-my family is weird, and unique and loving and needy and I love them, even the ones I put into my 'family' category
squishes-the feeling of being encompassed by someone else, bear hugs, cuddling, etc.
candy-all kinds, all the time. it's really quite ridiculous
you-you are my warmth, security, laughter, sense of family, squishes...and sometimes you even bring me candy.

That seems to sum it up, the rest of the can't-live-without's fit somewhere in there...

Christmas shopping is done. Wrapping the items as we go. I like the wrapping I like the wrapping I'm doing this year...it's all plain paper and I am writing messages\poems\sayings on them. A little more personal, and a lot more fun.

I decided that I wasn't going to just accept who I've become, but instead work to make myself a better person--the one I always wanted to be, but never quite had the courage to achieve.

On days like this I just need more.